Nigel No Mates

Commitment phobia, like most unrealistic fears, is an automatic response by the human mind to protect a person against something perceived, or inaccurately judged, as a threat. Such a phobia of commitment might affect the person’s life in general, but is particularly concerned with getting, or staying involved, in long term relationships. It’s also likely to have an impact on a sufferer’s professional life. These folk might find it hard to offer an employer a long term engagement as a worker. To help overcome this debilitating condition, here are five steps that have helped many to shake the grip of its hold.

The impulsive need to cause a breakdown in developing relationships is one symptom of this condition. It’s also the motivation behind coming consistently late for work or always pitching up late for dates without a reasonable excuse. All such behaviors are informed by the anxiety of finding oneself smothered and unable to escape from the confines of meaningful relationships.

Intervention-wise, psychotherapy has helped many folk that suffer from this to unearth and resolve the root conflict underlying its manifestation. It generally entails becoming aware of an unresolved emotional conflict rooted in childhood and acknowledging its pervasive effect in one’s current life situation. Thus the unrealistic nature of such fear has to be dealt with consciously to prevent the past from intruding into the present.

To try and resolve this condition quickly many folk have undergone hypno-analalysis. It’s a non-invasive therapy derived from hypnosis that gets to the root cause of the issue instead of merely trying manage its symptoms. The fact that it’s effective in a relatively short period of time makes it an appealing avenue to explore.

Some folk have responded well to assurances that getting involved in a long term relationship won’t bring about drastic and sudden changes to a person’s life. This is another way of dealing with the root causes of the problem indirectly. Feeling increasingly certain that no significant changes are required and that people will still be able to carry on as before seems to be enough to bring relief in some instances.

The anxiety of giving up one’s independence when becoming emotionally involved with a partner needs to be acknowledged and addressed. When an afflicted person is brought to the point of acknowledging these unsettling emotions to significant others, it can bring about a significant change in expectations and state of mind. But it’s important that such disclosures take place in a context of mutual understanding, trust and empathy.

After acknowledging and sharing the sources of one’s anxiousness with trusted others, it’s time to practice commitment skills. This might entail sharing more and more feelings, thoughts and concerns with a partner or empathic employer. With increasing consciousness and sharing relational discomforts the problem is likely to start evaporating.

In most instances it’s likely that time and patience are needed when trying to overcome the phobia of commitment. Although many individuals respond well to interventions in a short time frame, others might take longer, given the person’s current situation and peculiar history. But what’s certain is that this is a mental state that can be resolved, and these suggestions offer some help in that direction.

Visit our site to learn all there is to know about Commitment phobia, now. You can also get tips and advice on how to overcome your Phobia of Commitment, today.

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For some people they find it difficult to maintain a relationship. This often goes beyond glances at attractive bar staff or a fleeting fantasy about seeing other people. For some people this can be more than that and it can become a phobia of commitment.

The key thing to remember about a phobia is that it is usually irrational. This often means it is also very difficult for the person suffering from it as people may not necessarily be sympathetic towards them. This is why it is worth getting impartial advice to help you look at your attitude towards relationships.

However some fears are not necessarily rational. While it is understandable to be afraid of fire or scary looking animals, there is no rational reason to be afraid of clowns, beards, the number 13 or any other number of things that do not offer any real threat to us. For someone who fears commitment they react in much the same way as other people do toward their irrational fears.

It is often tied in with fear of the unknown. People may fear that they are making the wrong choice and may end up with someone that is not right for them. Others may simply think that sharing their life with another person will result in them losing their independence.

It is vital to be honest and try to be as subjective as possible. You need to consider the reasons why you do not want to settle with someone. Equally you want to consider the goals that you have in life and how you want to achieve them. Ideally you want to find a partner who shares these goals.

That being said it is important to be realistic and to not expect a perfect partnership. A relationship requires two people working together and there will be some compromises and this may well lead to the occasional disagreement. It is important to remember that the other person may well have to make sacrifices to be with you as well. Therefore it is important to recognize this when discussing where you think your future lies together.

The irony is that this fear is often what prevents people from enjoying long term relationships. The benefits of emotional closeness and bonding with someone over a long period of time often outweigh the short term benefits of being single. While this does not mean you will live without arguments or bad words you should be able to learn to look beyond this and enjoy intimate relations with someone on a deeper level.

The crucial part of overcoming a phobia of commitment is to get the right advice. A mentor can help look at your situation and give clear advice that is relevant to your situation. If you are prepared to make the effort you will reap the rewards of a long term relationship with your partner.

Phobia of commitment can be the result of numerous different emotions and environmental issues. When you have a commitment fear, you can find help online.

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Have you ever got the sense that your partner thinks he or she is generally superior to you, or more entitled to things than you are? Does he or she find a multitude of ways to devalue you or ignore you? Does he or he try to control you? If so, you may be living with a Narcissist.

Narcissism is considered a spectrum Disorder, which means that there are degrees of manifestation of the characteristics, so a person could have a couple of Narcissistic traits, right through to many or all, which means they would be closer to a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, as defined in the DSMIV.

Generally speaking, Narcissism is a condition of an Inflated False Self, which gives him or her a strong sense of self importance and a grandiose image of himself. He enters into relationships entirely for the purpose of keeping his grandiosity reinforced, as a source of Narcissistic supply for himself. He will idealise those who mirror this for him and devalue anyone as soon as they don’t. There is a real lack of genuine empathy for, or real interest in others, and a massive denial of his own problems, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities.
How did you become a willing victim? Why you?

If you find yourself in a relationship with a Narcissist, at some stage you might wonder why you? What does this say about you, your tolerance for pain and your sanity?
It is true that there is a particular kind of person that finds themself with a Narcissist, at least often well beyond the first indication that there is an underlying nastiness in him.

The type of individual who seems to unwittingly attract a Narcissist is someone who has Borderline characteristics, (which has also been referred to as Co-dependent or compliant) and has a deflated false self.

In Transactional Analysis terms, a Narcissist’s underlying Life position is I’m Ok, You’re Not OK, whereas a Borderline’s underlying Life Position is I’m Not OK, You’re OK.

Interestingly, a Borderline’s profile is less defended that the Narcissist, and less destructive to others, and therefore closer to achieving a healthy relationship, if you can gain true insight into what is happening and what is going wrong in your relationships and be able to develop a stronger identity and boundaries.
Can our relationship be helped?

If both you and your partner are committed to make your relationship a healthy and happy one, then I believe this is worth working on.

Finding a Psychologist who is familiar and experienced with these conditions is important as Narcissism can be notoriously difficult to pick up in a few sessions if the Psychologist is not trained in this. (Education on Narcissism is taught in Psychology courses but does not fully explain the widespread occurrence of this condition, and also the full ramifications of this, particularly to the partner. We at the Hart Centre are committed to ongoing training in these areas and in supporting you in managing yourself and your relationships.)

The success of relationship counselling and marriage counselling depends on many factors, but is largely due to the commitment of both partners to see their patterns and contributions, and be willing to change.

You will often not know how willing you and your partner are to do this until you attempt to do so. You will be able to see for yourselves over 3 to 6 sessions what real effort each of you are putting in to see the problems, own your contributions and make changes.

We can also support you if you have decided to leave your Narcissistic partner, and want help and assistance in rebuilding your life.

The Hart Centre has 54 centres for relationship and marriage counselling around Australia, so you will most probably find one close to you. You will find our Sydney relationship counselling centres in 15 different locations in Sydney, both in the CBD and suburbs. In Adelaide we have relationship and marriage counselling centres in 5 locations across Adelaide. Phone 1300830552 to speak to our friendly receptionists.

For relationship counselling Sydney and marriage counselling Sydney contact the Hart Center. The Hart Center can also help with marriage counselling Adelaide.

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